We’ll be saying goodbye to our foster dog pretty soon, and here I am realizing I have hardly said anything about him here on this blog (although I posted about him on Node-o-rama a while back). I don’t know why. I haven’t been in a good place in my life, in a lot of ways. I have a Leo Moon, and it is hard for me to talk about my shortcomings.

But I do have Neptune and Saturn transiting my 1st house ruler, Venus, and my first house is my identity, my mask, my self-image. And my energy. I don’t like to say out loud that I’m not doing well. But the truth is, the mask takes a lot of energy to keep intact. And I don’t have enough in me to do it. I don’t have enough energy for worrying about what people think of me, or trying to change anyone’s mind about me, or running unimportant conflicts over and over through my head, sorting out who’s right and who’s wrong. I am having to dig deep just to stay balanced and get basic things done. Eat healthy. Get dinner cooked. Take Jackson outside. Be there for John. Be present for clients. I have Venus in Taurus (the throat), and I think I may have thyroid issues. And I’m trying some different things for it. On the upcoming New Moon, I am going to cut out caffeine entirely. I am hoping and praying that I’ll simply have enough energy to have a good time while I’m on vacation next week.

So this is Jackson, a funny, friendly, frisbee-catching, bellyrub-loving, exuberant pit bull. He comes to us in October, when the SPCA asks us to put him through the training for food aggression. I enjoy having him around, playing with him, training him to sit, lie down, come when I call, leave other dogs alone, fetch. But I don’t work as hard as I can on the food part. Looking back, I could have done more. I could have studied Cesar Millan. I could have been more patient and gentle with him. I was foolish. I didn’t realize the seriousness of it. I could have done more for this dog.

Because when he went in to the SPCA to be tested, I fully expected him to pass with flying colors. But he didn’t. He freaked out on Suzanne, the director of the SPCA. We hadn’t trained him right. We didn’t heal his food issues, we intensified them. At least that’s how I see it. And Suzanne thinks he’s too unpredictable, a dangerous dog, that he should be put down. That was in April. I told her I understand what needs to happen if he’s dangerous but I believed he could be worked with. After making sure I understood that it might not make a difference, she agreed to try to bring in the Pit Bull rescue group.

We have changed our approach and continued working with him since that terrible day in April. And I think, I hope, that we are making progress with him. After a long wait, we are in touch with Misunderstood Pit Bull in Richmond. A real dog trainer who specializes in aggression is going to take him into her home for evaluation. Sometime this week.

Jackson’s moving on, and from here it’s up to him. He will definitely be in my thoughts and prayers. And we will miss our foster doggie. We have definitely got a soft spot in our hearts for him.